Failures Make The Day Go By

Today was a day of what felt like continued failures.

I woke early with the specific intention of getting ready *alone* without any interruption...from anyone.  Did that happen?  I'm sure you can guess that answer...

Chaos ensued when the children woke (early) and ran screaming and crying from the dog ~ the newest addition to the family, a Belgian Shepard ~ as she displayed her excitement at waking to her "people."  (In all fairness, I would also likely run screaming from something as tall as me, much heftier and able to wrap its mouth around my entire belly!)

The neediness by the wee ones and not-so-wee one (being the dog, not the Husband, as he had already escaped the madness under the pretense of an early meeting...) continued through breakfast.  As the Big Wee One and Middle Wee One ate in mostly silence (ordered by me following the very long and loud tantrum had after I ~ selfishly ~ asked them to play while I prepared everything) and I feverishly fed the increasingly hungry Small Wee One, MWO dared ask my why *I* had no breakfast...

My reply?  "Because you were not very polite nor patient this morning so I did not take time to make something for myself."

BWO and MWO at least feigned to ponder the errors of their ways before devouring the rest of their meals.

The morning proceeded with much the same flare...

All children needing something simultaneously.

The dog insisting that any and every (little boy) toy she could reach was, indeed, hers.

BWO and MWO clamoring at the dog to stop stealing toys.

Me washing SWO's toys, as that type of pet love is well beyond my tolerance.

Same dog insisting that my attempt at discipline was instead, an invitation to wrestle.

My attempt to respond to some "work" related e-mails but interrupted by squeals from any given Wee One that another Wee One was doing something Wee Ones should not do.

Multiple phones ringing simultaneously.

Banishing the dog outside and BWO and MWO to separate corners, as I could no longer manage my temper at any of their unyielding disobediences.

Workers arriving in the midst of it all.

All in all, 11 am came faster than I knew possible.  And I ran!  To lunch.  To drink.

I kid.  I didn't literally run to lunch.  (smile)

But, I did escape to some adult time with (very welcomed) new friends in this new place.  And, I recharged just a bit (before rushing to my Spanish lesson which started late and then rushing BWO and MWO to swim lessons).

That brings me to the next challenge of the day:  Convincing MWO that he did, in fact, need to actually get in the water for his swim lesson.

The first several classes went fabulously - BWO and MWO were thrilled to go to "swim school" and come home to show off their new tricks in our pool.

And then, MWO decided he no longer wanted to go if he had to go under the water.  The last class was  met with defiance and then tears when he finally stated "I guess (insert emphasized sigh by a three year old) I'll just go in the water." but was dunked (with notice and instruction, mind you).  I believe MWO's first words this morning regarded his intent to not go swimming at the "big pool" today, and he sure didn't forget.

Not sure of a supportive and understanding yet this-actually-is-a-necessary-skill-for-you-to-have-and-you-need-to-go encouraging approach, I spoke with the instructor regarding his fear (in my, again, less-than-eloquent Spanish...Yep, I'll make a fool of myself for my kiddos).  "No problema," said the very kind and skilled with Wee Ones instructor.  The instructor had a few tricks up his wetsuit sleeve, and MWO would still enjoy the class.

Excitedly, I returned to MWO to explain.

And then cajole.

And then threaten.

And then display disappointment.

His defiance continued.

He spent 3/4 of the class time sitting at the table with me asking if I was sad with him.  Near the end of the session, he offered his heavily sighed resignation to getting in the water.

"Sorry buddy, it's too late. The class is almost over so you'll have to wait until next time." I replied.

And I saw tears in his eyes.

And my heart broke.

So, today was a day of failures.

Failed plan to prepare for the day in peace.  Failed attempts to complete some of the rare "professional" tasks I have.  Multiple failed attempts to control the dog.  Even more failed attempts to effectively discipline and nurture my children.

I've said it before, and I own the trait ~ I am certainly a "Type A" personality who needs to be in control of my situations.  And when, for whatever reason whether it be a dog settling in to an entirely foreign environment, life's many interruptions coming at once or the illogical behavior of toddlers, my situations go in a direction other than to successful completion I feel as if I failed.

And, this type of failure is starkly different and much more painful than any failure I felt in my past career.  A bad day at work could be soothed by happy hour or simply leaving work at the end of the day.

Now, there is no change in scenery between my "work" and "escape."

I am reminded of these failures all day and night by the melt-your-heart sweet goodnight cuddles and wee faces shining with ear-to-ear grins at an accomplished somersault (on the bed...) and my recognition that these shortcomings are much more important than any bad day at work.

Now, my failures could screw up my kids' lives, scarring them permanently, causing them to think their mother is a selfish loon who was so dissatisfied with her life that she was persistently unhappy.

I don't want that to be my legacy to my children.  I don't want to fail them.

I just want some balance.

And, I want things to go my way.  (grin)